PORN INDUSTRY SLUMP DUE TO SLOWER ECONOMY, FASTER MASTURBATION

CANOGA PARK, California - As the slowing economy continues to hit the housing market and automative industries, the adult film industry is dealing with the added threat of men learning to masturbate quicker to free short internet clips.

"We've seen DVD sales really drop off in the last few years" says Livid Video CEO Hugh Jardon. "With the price of gas and groceries at an all time high, people don't have the money to spend on luxury items like Adult DVDs. Plus, guys are learning to get off quicker from our free clips on the internet. We really didn't think this through very well, I suppose."

"It's an adaptive behavior" says CalPoly human sexuality scientist Anita Manda Bangmay. "In Victorian times, men would wank it to pictures of a girl's ankle. Young men still find a way to tug the cable to things as tame as a Victoria's Secret catalog. A one-minute clip of a woman felating twelve black men in the back of a pickup truck is going to do the trick just fine."

Local porn consumer and masturbation enthusiast Jack Mayhoffer confirms Jardon's conclusions. "It's really a time management and attention span issue. I usually fast-foward though porn DVDs to get to the stuff I like anyway. So in a lot of ways, the internet is just doing my job for me." Mr. Mayhoffer was pressed for time as he had just discovered a new website with approximately 200 free clips, and needed to get to work, so he quickly added "The internet offers me so much free porn, why would I ever buy a DVD again? For the acting and plots? Come on now."